Black and White.
Spider.
Oh, hello you big bellied beauty. It's been nearly 2 months of me waiting for you to turn around, or be in a different position, so I can see anything but your black and white legs and belly. Boy, do you have long legs. I'm not sure what kind of spider you are, but you sure are large. Are we friends? Do you want to bite me? Is there anything bright-colored or indicative of your potentially venomous nature on the side of your body I am unable to see? Can we continue cohabitating this greenhouse in peace? You do your thing on that web you keep expanding and I do mine? You're good luck, yeah? And you'll eat other bugs I should be worried about? We cool, right?
Instinct told me my new spider friend was just that, a friend, but then I got overly-analytical and stuck in my head. I can't get a close enough look to see anything except the shape and belly. Experience taught me through a similar snake scenario that researching the species living in Costa Rica on the internet was only going to ruin my sleep and freak me out unnecessarily. Next option, I must bug one of the resort staff to take a walk with me over to the farm and assess this spider as friend or foe.
Safe. No need to worry. Should've listened to my gut, but didn't want to be careless. A banana spider. A nostalgic memory and friend of my tico buddies childhood he says and he touches this creature I’ve been avoiding and squirming around trying not to disturb. How suiting for a Hannah Banana to be sharing a greenhouse with a Banana Spider!
Freedom. Autonomy. The spaces between. The idea of a black and white manual for life seems simplistic and secure, but... what about learning to decipher that you as an individual might love scuba diving with sharks and jumping out of planes, but be irrationally afraid of being trapped with large groups of strangers having small talk or snakes, only sometimes. We are all unique. There are a lot of uncharted waters from point A to point B and Q and Z. It would be easy to know all of our shoulds and shouldn'ts from the get-go and consequently make ‘good’ choices. Not sure about your thoughts, but my favorite meals have been when I've deviated from the planned recipes and gone a bit rogue. Usually.
Practicing anything like yoga or cooking or being in unfamiliar environments where we don't know what plants or animals are safe teaches us the power of time and consistency as well as the ability to be present and aware of ourselves and our environment. We are all similar, but no one is the same. We are all uniquely brave and unafraid about some things while overly worried and scared of others. Sometimes without rhyme or reason. Our individual capacities for certain things is ours and ours alone and can adapt over time. When we can settle and relax into our environments, what we see and experience expands exponentially. For example, now that I’ve figured out no more snakes reside and the spider is just hanging around (literally) I can watch all of the beautiful butterflies that are attracted to the water I’m giving the plants. like in this video I made.